Chapter 19: Peter

Peter was Dyno Mutt’s older friend. He was already 22 and bought majority of our booze. He was also a mooch and sometimes only agreed to buy booze if he could drink it with us for free. He looked like a young Johnny Depp from Gilbert Grape and had a big mole on his cheek.

The rumor around town was that Peter’s parents supposedly killed an elderly man they were taking care of and suspiciously inherited all his money. They had been working as caretakers for an elderly man who was very wealthy and lived in Redondo. Peter's mom was the maid and Peter's stepfather was the chef.

At some point the elderly man removed his entire family from his will and replaced them with Peter's parents. Then a few months later he died in suspicious circumstances. He had a heart attack as a result of food poisoning. No one found him for a few hours and by then it was too late. He was already dead.

The family tried to sue Peter's parents and somehow Peter's parents won and still inherited the money.

They bought another house in Redondo with the money and Peter followed them and slept on their couch. Peter did not have a job or regular money, but he did have a car.

Peter's income and drug money revolved around his parents buying weed. Peter's parents bought about an ounce every week. They knew Peter had friends who sold weed, so they depended on Peter to get it for them. Peter was always looking for the cheapest price possible. He would lie and overcharge his parents so he could make money himself.

Peter's parents would occasionally pay him and Dyno Mutt to clean out their garage or other odd jobs around their house. They loved Dyno Mutt for some reason. Peter would get a chunk of money and then spend it on coke or X to party. No one would see him for a few days.

I would not say Peter was my favorite person. He was the only one of us who could legally buy alcohol, and we all liked to drink. Like Donnie he was a member of the crew by default.

Peter had a longtime girlfriend. We did not see her too often but there were times when we knew he was unreachable because of her. She was above average in looks, not exactly ugly. She had her shit together and had graduated college. None of us understand what she saw in a bum like Peter.

Peter ended up getting married to her. Only Dyno Mutt was invited to the ceremony. His wife had signed up for some job with the military and both her and Peter were expected to move to Germany in the coming weeks.

Peter bragged about how he was going to be a house husband living the life of luxury in Germany.

One of Peter’s wife’s friends threw a huge going away party and the whole crew was all invited. One of Peter’s new brothers in law was a comedian who had been on comedy central. He decided to invite some other comedian friends, and they all took turns entertaining the guests doing a stand-up show in an empty two car garage.

Peter put Jason, Dyno and me in charge of the keg. The host was charging money at the door as the party was partly a fundraiser for Pete and his wife's move to Germany. Each person who paid to drink would get a stamp on their hand with the number 7. It was our job to check the stamps and hand out cups for the keg.

There were a few women who thought I was asking them for their phone number in exchange for a cup when I pointed to my hand and said where’s your number. I was referring to the stamps.

I think eventually after a few beers we all lost interest in our keg cup duties and abandoned the remaining cups on the table.

Somehow Donnie found out about the party without being invited and showed up late.

He walked into the area where they were having the comedy shows and kept talking and being rude until one of the comedians decided to make the show all about Donnie.

The comedian asked Donnie to come up and stand up in front of the audience. Being the self-obsessed muscle-bound jerk he is, Donnie took it as an opportunity to stand up and flex in front of the crowd. He was wearing a sleeveless muscle shirt, board shorts and a puka shell necklace. His hair was slicked back with gel. He looked like if Macklemore and Vin Diesel had a baby.

The comedian took one look at Donnie and started describing his life story to the audience.

“At a young age he probably got picked on. Started lifting weights and taking steroids.”

We all started laughing. It was kind of true.

“I bet he lives with his mom, and she spoils him.”

The comedian continued to imitate Donnie. He stood next to him in the same pose and posture. Then he flexed and made kissy faces at the audience.

“You know a lot of these guys who work out and wear muscle shirts are gay. I am not sure if he’s a little gay or really gay. He looks like he’s had a cock in his mouth at least once. Or at least he drinks cum at home.” the comedian told the audience.

Donnie looked mad.

“They call him Donnie Jizzo! One time at school he drank beer with cum in it!” Dyno Mutt called out to the comedian giggling.

“Oh man are you serious? I kind of feel bad now. What’s his real name?” the comedian asked.

“Donnie Barrow!” Donnie said angrily.

“Everyone give it up for my pal Donnie Jizzo, I mean Barrow!” the comedian added.

The audience laughed and clapped. It was perfect and 100% true. It was so funny.

Our whole crew was sat in the audience all dying laughing with tears in our eyes. Donnie got tired of the abuse and stormed off all angry.

At the end of the night, we realized we could not find Peter to say goodbye and wish him luck in Germany. Even his wife came up to us asking if we had seen him in the last few hours. We came to the conclusion we had not seen him since before the comedy show.

Peter disappeared.

No one saw or heard from Peter for several weeks after the going away party. Dyno Mutt had gone by Peter's parent's house, and they claimed he was not there. They even asked Dyno Mutt to get their weed for them that week.

The day when Peter was supposed to leave for Germany came and went. A few weeks after he was supposed to have left, he randomly showed up at Jason's garage acting completely normal like nothing happened.

We asked him where he had been and why he wasn't in Germany. He brushed off the questions and said he did not want to talk about it.

Peter never ended up moving to Germany. He abandoned his wife. I think eventually they got divorced.

Chapter 20: Lil Ron Escapes